Here’s a really interesting article from the Globe and Mail. It’s a long one, but if you have a few minutes to yourself, you will likely relate very easily – I know I did. For me, I related to the sleep-deprivation more than the breastfeeding issues – I certainly remember how the lack of sleep made me completely insane.
See if you agree with the comments at the end of the article -
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/facts-and-arguments/i-despise-breastfeeding/article1232706/
I would be interested to hear your views as well.
OK, I know the last post might have seemed a bit rough, so here’s one to counteract that! In my extensive experience of Motherhood, this is what I have learned:
1) When you are with your kids, really be with your kids – that means being present with them – not answering our cell phone, not emailing someone, not pretending we’re playing castles – but really taking notice of them and interacting.
2) Listen, listen, listen – if we stop our jammering for a moment, they will tell us things that we don’t expect to hear. Practice doing this now, instead of waiting til they are teenagers and wondering why they never listen to us!
3) Show affection to them – we are their teachers in so many ways, and if we outwardly kiss and cuddle them, they will learn to be loving towards others as well.
4) Kiss their Dad in front of them – remember that this is the very first relationship they will see, and it’s the one on which they will base all future relationships. According to psychologists, by the time we are 6 years of age, we have formed our beliefs about relationships.
5) When you argue, make up in front of them – kids need to see the resolution in their parents’ arguements, otherwise they may feel insecure about it. Even though Mom and Dad have made up and carried on, it may still be an issue in their little world.
*I want to add to all of this, that even though it seems like this entry is aimed at older children, you as the parent can very easily implement these things almost immediately. If you do this from the word “go”, it will be so much easier than starting anew in the toddler years when the behaviour is starting to go wonky!
1) Fight in front of them – the more yelling, the better. It’s good for them to experience what real life is like (and this is what their future partner will be like anyway, so they better get used to it).
2) Bring up old issues that haven’t been resolved. I’m sure they didn’t hear me the other 42 times I mentioned it, so I’d better say it again.
3) Blame the other person for all that is lacking in you. Don’t take any responsibility because that would just be admitting defeat (and make me really vulnerable).
4) Call each other names. For the simple reason they deserve it (and it feels good for that split second).
5) Don’t go to counselling – it’ll be OK. All that processing and emotional output is exhausting, and we can deal with it on our own. I know its happening every day, but it’s just a bump.
Playmobil is my enemy. If I could write a nasty letter to the makers of one toy in my son’s collection, it would be to Playmobil. All those tiny little accessories drive me crazy – why does that pirate need 3 feathers in his cap? Why not just one feather that is glued into the hat? Why does that soldier need to have a pocketful of bows and arrows that invariably spring out whenever we move the guy? Where does that 4th rock hide EVERY TIME we need to put it into the castle rockthrower? We have, of course, already lost the flag that goes on the flagpole – my son asks me every day where it is. We search under the couch, under the chairs and under the rug – to no avail. Losing these tiny little pieces is going to be my unravelling. I’m sure the vaccuum cleaner has some pretty dusty secrets.
I never picked myself for a perfectionist. I always prided myself on being a pretty calm, mostly gentle and “in-control” person, so it has shocked me since having children that I become a tyrant when I can’t find a piece of a puzzle, a tiny boot of a soldier, or a hat that belongs to some Disney character. I am like a dog with a bone – I won’t let it go until I find it. You do not want to see the inside of my head in these moments. I know I don’t want to look.
It was my business coach who pointed out that I was a perfectionist. We had been discussing marketing, and had drifted over to my personal life – and of course my parenting came up, as it always does. It is such an integral part of me, and I really want to get it right. There – I have said it. I want to get it right. I want to right the wrongs of my past, and do things differently. I HAVE done things differently already. I am more patient, I take the time to explain things to my son, where I was just told – “that’s just the way it is – end of story”. But sometimes, in my self-un-aware moments, I am bound by my upbringing and my un-consciousness. I drift into a state of needing to have all the pieces of the little men and women together before I can play castles. It is hard for me to remove myself from this state, but I am practicing letting go. What this really means is that I am practicing forgiving myself for not being perfect.
I have noticed my son’s little traits of perfectionism, and I know it is partly from me. He does not deserve to go through life expecting things to be perfect, and so I know I need to be conscious of projecting my fears onto him. Life is not perfect – I am not perfect. I know that some days I am winning that battle, because he will say to me, “Mommy, I didn’t put that sticker in quite the right spot, but it doesn’t really matter, does it?”
Mommyphat, actually. As in www.mommyphat.blogspot.com
A great new blog site that a friend of mine writes. A now-living-in Vancouverite, Brittany Reid is the author – she is a Mom of 2 gorgeous girls (who could potentially become husbands for my 2 handsome boys!), and a woman of great knowledge and substance. Her blog has yummy summer recipes, great tips on wine, interesting places to visit and stuff to do with your kids. She also writes great reviews on books – some of which I have actually read in my 5 minutes of solitude I get at the end of every day!
We all get so many “e” related things – we are bombarded every day with spam, e-newsletters, web-this, and this and cyberlink-that, so it helps if you can cut through the “other” stuff and just get to the nitty-gritty of what’s phat for today.
Enjoy!
Ever tried to carry on an intelligent conversation with another Mom with your baby present? It just doesn’t happen. The intelligent part, I mean. It may start off OK:
Oh, did you hear about Bobby and Louise? Bobby went back east to visit his Mom, and Louise was on her own. So, her washing machine broke down and the guy came to fix it… (baby wakes and needs to feed IMMEDIATELY)…and he gets there…(Mom trying to undo shirt while baby roars)…and he finds out that…(nursing bra not coming undone fast enough)…the type of washing machine needs a different part than what he has…(bra undone now, trying to latch baby, breastpad keeps flipping back up over breast)…so he calls his supplier, but he can’t get reception in her house so he goes outside…(baby finally latches, milk letdown in process – baby unlatches just as milk lets down and sprays man next to them)…oh, I’m so sorry, here’s a napkin – yeah, so the washing machine needs a part that he didn’t have – did I say that already?
And so it goes on. It’s a miracle if the 2 women actually get through a story all the way. Once, I was with a Mom at the aquarium with both of our kids, and it wasn’t until we’d been there for an hour that we got to say “So, how are you?” to each other. Babies require so much of our attention that it’s hard to juggle their needs and regular life – like a simple conversation. It really helps if you can communicate telepathically……